How Can I Be Healthier?

Problem:
The planet, clearly, is sick. Revelations says it's about to blow.  Until that happens though, you are still kicking, aren't you?  The trouble is, you barely feel like it!  There you are dragging yourself through your day, so sluggish, sleepy and full of gas.  Is this the best you can do?

Solution:
It's time to clean up your act, so you can wake up, my friend.  A good way to do that is by eating 50% fruits and vegetables.  But what if you need some crunch while watching American Idol, waiting to see who's been voted off? You need crunch!!  Will carrots satisfy?  Of course not.  But satisfaction is no longer important.  Health is never fun, my friend. So get over yourself, and you'll feel better.

Technique:
If we turn to Opening Number Three (in the Seven Openings), Open Your Eyes, we find that opening our eyes means looking for opportunities all around us.  Carrots, especially little baby ones, are one of the best opportunities nature (and genetic engineering) has to offer.